Sunday, January 4, 2009


Well, pack up the toys, kids, we’re moving to Michigan.

It’s really way more exciting than it sounds. Michigan. Can’t you just picture an old Indian chief pronouncing it with four very guttural syllables: ME-SHEE-GUY-AN. It’s totally the new thing, moving to Michigan, what with the Big Three thriving as they are and northern accents being so in since Sarah Palin winked at America.

It’s the new frontier—not only for blood-thirsty democrats and terrorist sleeper cells—but for young, hard-working, maybe between 5’8” or 5’11” brunette type people, formally living in Irvine. Oh crap, it’s probably just going to be us then, isn’t it.

No matter, we’ve got summer to look forward to. There’s really nothing more beautiful than Lake Michigan in August, joined to the smaller inland Mona Lake by a man-made channel. As a kid, I always thought it more of a river than a channel, considering it was teaming with thousands of minnows at any given time of the summer. We were known to do some sport fishing on occasion, my sister and I, scooping up unsuspecting minnows by the ton with butterfly nets. And I always did get a kick out of the old strip mall on the shore of Mona Lake, proudly named Mona Kea Mall. That’s a play on Mauna Kea, the tallest volcano on the island of Hawaii for those of you a bit rusty on your Hawaiian geography. See, we’re practically moving to Hawaii. Michigan, Hawaii, Michigan. Totally the same.

But you, you lucky reader you, shall explore this eighth natural wonder that is Michigan all from the comfort of your IKEA desk chair. Stay tuned, it’s about to get a whole lot crazier.